Soon back in S.E.A from the (is)land of the walking dead, leaving on Monday, unchartered waters once again. Weird to say the least, having always felt a strong longing to return to Japan when in another country, on assignments or on just holiday travels. This time was different. Well, any January in central Japan is pretty cold, bleak and in general depressing. But on top of that, this time I had not the same concrete purpose-related attachment as in former years. I have been operating out of S.E.A the last couple of years and haven't really changed priorities in terms of job and lifestyle related highlights, just that things change, and I am a master in the field of change and swapping environments…but things change, shit lose or gain luster.
The trusted feeling gained of being in Japan, the feeling of belongingness has evaporated into a mere shadow of it's former glory. If one could take any street corner with it's inhabitants in any Japanese city or countryside, the general feel of mood, environment, life related pulse and mix it in a violent stir, spill it out on a white sheet of the whitest paper available, one would get an average grey tone of 18% (old school photographers understand this number). Great for getting a proper reading of +/- 0 white balance, no reflection back in terms of heat, light or sound that indicates on life, hence the "walking dead" in my eyes since there is movement in this particular street corner that is the urban Japan, but a lifeless movement that is.
What can one do you might ask yourself? Well, move on forward and upward is what comes to mind and with a still beating pulse to nurse one have the freedom to step aside a little, reflect and leap in whatever direction seeming most lively and colorful. And when one look from a distant view one understands that the icing on the cake is that you have the choice and means to seek out new horizons and explore whatever there might lay hidden, there is no need to stay put and suffer with the local 18%'ers, none. The grass is always greener…well, in Japan the grass has been replaced with concrete and cement long ago so the feeling on walking bare feet on that green stuff is a distant one (and against the societies honorable and manner seeking code of conduct anyways…) i.e. hammer down that nail that stands up, strolling around bare feet is a risky undertaking conducted by the untamed and misfitting anyways. The minions have learned to be afraid to scratch a bare sole on any sharp nails standing up, now strolling around aimlessly in thick soled boots, trust that someone has already pounded the floorboard for you. That instead of looking down where you step and make up the lacking independent mind of staying clear of self destructive obstacles, choose your own path…nah!
On top of this rather somber reflections I'm still camera less, sucks and bothers me greatly, restless purposeless and disappointed. Almost threw away US$900 on a camera today that I wound't be able to operate to the fullest due to being programmed on only the Japanese language (wtf!). Thought this was a joke when I found out, but first after I handed over my hard-earned cash, loosing $900 is and will never be a joke for me however so a great relief after I managed to beg back the money.
I see images allover (in Osaka the last couple of days) and not being able to capture is not a healthy way of spending time anywhere. Things change...